Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Ode to Self: Owed to SELF - Written 9.18.18 at 10:03am

Here's the truth I have been struggling to find a pace that merges my passion with my space as well as monetize it. I know I have all it takes to WIN but it seems like I am constantly winding up at a fork in the road and seemingly choosing the direction of MORE directions AHEAD! I recently looked at my blog posts and realized that I hadn't posted in over a year but had a few unpublished posts from within that time frame. Ever get so busy being BUSY? All while complaining about being too busy to do the things you really want to do for yourself? Well that's me if I am honest. If I am still using my lie as the truth then EVERYBODY ELSE is more important and EYE (I) can wait till THEY have what they NEED! I really thought I had graduated from this way of processing ... from this way of operating but I hadn't. Every day I find another VALIANT reason to put me on the back burner. AND! I am doing this while parts of each BRILLIANT idea slowly dies inside of me! At this point I don't know how to BREAK this cycle but I am determined to WIN at ME! I have been winning at OTHERS and for OTHERS all my life! Yes I concur I am a servant leader and this is not a woest me tirade but merely an ODE TO SELF to remind me EYE MATTER! I owe myself the chance to exhale without breathing in the laments of others. I owe myself the chance to see if the next bricks in a wall I build are upon the strong foundation where I have already done the groundwork. I owe myself the chance to LIVE out LOUD and on PURPOSE! Even with the knowledge of knowing that I am all many around have I still owe myself the chance to see what I can do next outside doing so much FOR OTHERS and attaching it to my RIGHT to SERVE in EXCELLENCE as I suffer and die in SILENCE! I owe myself the sight of seeing my books published and not still as files on my drives stored up for safe keeping until the right TIME! 

Today is November 17, 2020 and I found this in one of journals not knowing it was also sitting in a draft box unpublished on my site. Today I am in search of finding the SELF that is ME who will know WHO am EYE and who I am trying to BECOME! Being closer to a HALF century doesn't MAKE this process any easier just more INTENSE! My head hurts constantly from headaches I have no idea the root of but no amount of pain will keep me from FINDING ME. FROM activating MY VOICE and reconciling with my PASSION to share my GIFT of WORDS with this cruel WORLD! 

It was become COMMON PLACE to FORGET all about ME but it has become my TRUE PLIGHT to kill the DESIRE to FORGET ME!! I will land on the other side with best seller's and publishing deals but until then #EYEwriteNOW! 

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